Direzione Generale Opere Don Bosco

Via della Pisana 1111 – 00163 Roma

Il Rettor Maggiore

DRAFT OF THE STRENNA 2017

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WE ARE A FAMILY! Every home, a school of Life and Love

1. WE ARE A FAMILY! And we are born as a Family!

• The Strenna of 2006 was already centred on the Family. To it do we refer since this moment¹. At the same time, the Ecclesial events we are living after two Synods and the Apostolic Exhortation 'Amoris laetitia' of Pope Francis, demand – gladly for us as Salesian Family – that we focus our educative and pastoral look on the family.

• All of us have the strong personal experience that we are born to a family, and are born a family, with the beauty and limits of every family, but ultimately within a family. A family, which is this very concrete human reality where the art of Life and Love is learnt.

• The family, we know it well, is made of faces, of persons who love, speak, share with and sacrifice themselves for the other members of the family, defending themselves and defending at all cost their own lives and the lives of their own. One becomes a person living in a family, growing, usually, with the parents, breathing the warmth of the home.

• It is in the family, in the home that we are given a name and therefore dignity; that we experience affection; that we cherish intimacy; that we learn to ask permission, to ask forgiveness and to give thanks.

• The family is also – and we know it – the first school for children, the group of indispensable belonging for the youth and the best refuge for the elderly.

• All this is something of what all of us have lived in a way or another of the human, anthropological dimension.

• At the same time, we do not lose the perspective of what the reality of the family means and of what God Communion-Love means, because the family is a great sign-sacrament of the Triune God who is Communion-Love.

• The family is also the mother’s womb in which the Son of God does a journey of Humanization.

• Besides, we as addressees of this bonus, we are also Salesian family with an ever growing sense that WE ARE A FAMILY.

• As a religious group (congregations, institutes, associations of apostolic life, associations of believers…) we have a strong sense of the bond of religious family that unites us.

• Almost all our groups of the Salesian Family have collected in the various statutes the family spirit and the family atmosphere as a constitutive part of our being, and also our pastoral activity toward the family, with the families, for the families.

• This foreword explains our duty as Salesian Family, a duty which is not only not looking in another direction than the one in which the Universal Church is strongly involved, today under the leadership of Pope Francis, but rather the duty of making a ‘Salesian reading' – as educators of children and youth, and to give our humble contribution.

2. An Invitation to a Calm, Open Reading with a Prepared Heart

• I make first of all an invitation to a calm and open reading, one with the heart prepared for dialogue and encounter with what the Apostolic Exhortation says, so that it may help us as Salesian Family to discover what the document offers. It is a gesture of love, as Salesian Family, to the reality of the family, acknowledged and extolled as a great gift of God for all. And it is also a gesture of love towards those who achieved to live in fullness this project of God and who need our help, and maybe our accompaniment in implementing their project of life of conjugal and family love, which sometimes is broken or faces great difficulties.

• The document is a service to humanity from the catholic believing look, and a true spiritual and pastoral treasure. And we get involved in it from the awareness that “we are Salesian Family”.

• The exhortation of the Pope is based on the teachings of previous Popes, St. John Paul II and Benedict XVI and of the Synodal Assemblies of 2014 and 2015, whose final relations are frequently quoted. It summarizes the ecclesial reflection of many years, but it also introduces, at the same time, a change of tone, of language and perspective from the canonical level to a pastoral one. The Pope himself says, “We need to be humble and realistic, acknowledging that at times … we have proposed a far too abstract and almost artificial theological ideal of marriage, far removed from the concrete situations and practical possibilities of real families. This excessive idealization, especially when we have failed to inspire trust in God’s grace, has not helped to make marriage more desirable and attractive, but quite the opposite” (AL36).

3. A Synthesis on the Content of the Exhortation. To Discover Our Duty as Salesian Family with Families

• The text contains the already known characteristics of the magisterium of Pope Francis; it is a realistic, close, direct and suggestive text. An open text that invites us to actively enter into the theme, not only passively receiving the ideas, but trying to live ourselves the mystery of life and love from our own life and personal vocation. It is not a document that speaks of the family in an abstract way, but one that reaches life, to give a word of encouragement to many people who are in need of it.

• In the Apostolic Exhortation, the Pope traces the biblical and theological, moral and pastoral “summa” concerning the family, underlining the importance and beauty of the family based on matrimony, inviting to deepen the values of conjugal love, true gift of God for the life of human beings. It invites to detach the positive and humanizing aspects of human love, a reflection of the Love of God that is always stronger than failures of human projects.

• The document contains nine chapters that illumine the reality of matrimony and of the family from different points of view, trying to harmonize the presentation of the beauty of the divine plan with the realistic and merciful attention to the many lacking and painful situations which occur in real life. Each chapter is an admirable intertwining of fidelity to the truth with compassion and mercy. In it, it is illumined from the Word of God, without ignoring the present situation, always with the look of faith in Jesus Christ. Love in the family is always the main theme, with the richness of fruitfulness and the education of children and the pastoral suggestions that may help in the journey in situations of fragility and imperfection.

• In chapter 1, “In the light of the Word”, recalling the unity of doctrine and praxis needed in the Church, it underlines at the same time that, on the basis of cultures, traditions, and challenges of the various countries, some aspects of the doctrine may be interpreted “in a different way”. It confirms the beauty of matrimony formed by a man and a woman, and claims the importance of dialogue, of the union and of the tenderness of the family, defined not as an abstract ideal, but as a ‘craftsman’s task’.

• In chapter 2, “The Experiences and Realities of Families”, the look extends to the reality and the challenges of the families, with the desire “to keep firmly grounded in reality” (AL 6) with a sociological and cultural perspective wishing also to offer a nuanced, realistic and hopeful vision. It flees oversimplification, because the range of themes and particular contexts requires a nuanced look. The Exhortation does not capture a “stereotype of the ideal family, but rather a challenging mosaic made up of many different realities, with all their joys, hopes and problems. The situations that concern us are challenges. We should not be trapped into wasting our energy in doleful laments, but rather seek new forms of missionary creativity” (AL 57).

• The third Chapter, “Looking to Jesus: the Vocation of the Family”, opens the door to the witness of the Gospels, the teaching of the Church, the sacramental reality, the complexity of irregular situations and the transmission of life and faith to the children. “The experience of love in families is a perennial source of strength for the life of the Church” (AL 88).

• Chapter four, “Love in Marriage”, is articulated in a beautiful way on the well-known hymn to love of 1Cor13. It does it with fineness and beauty, and displays the various aspects of reality, without idealization (“It is not helpful to dream of an idyllic and perfect love” AL 135) but aiming at the ideal: intimacy, shared life, love of friendship, dialogue, conjugal love always in a demanding dynamism of transforming growth. Recommendable are the words that Pope Francis directly addresses to the youth, in No. 131-132.

• “Love made Fruitful”, the title of Chapter 5, speaks of a love that is expansive, fruitful, dynamic, passionate: words such as fruitfulness, generation, understanding of the father and the mother in the process are key words. Rich is the reflection of “discerning the body” (AL 185-186) and suggestive are the pages on “the wider family”: being children, grandparents, brothers and sisters… from “a big heart” (AL 196), inviting also the families to be a place of integration and a point of contact between the public and the private spheres.

• A pastoral chapter was essential to enter in depth in concrete life. Chapter 6, “Some Pastoral Perspectives”, speaks of pastoral workers on the preparation for marriage and the accompaniment in the first years of married life, and does it with brave realism. It invites to “cast lights on crises, worries and difficulties” (AL 231ss) because they provide a nuanced, dynamic and complex approach in which to locate particular questions.

• “Towards a Better Education of Children” is the theme of Chapter 7 (AL 259-290). Children are hope open to the future. Through these pages appear the necessary closeness and presence, the ethical formation, the figures of authority, the contexts, sexual education (realistic and valid, without fear and without superficiality) and the transmission of the faith.

• At the same time Pope Francis hopes that “everyone should feel challenged by Chapter Eight”, which is entitled “Accompanying, Discerning and Integrating Weakness” (AL 291-312). Those who are looking for precise and severe norms will be disappointed. The Pope resumes pastoral graduality, invites to discernment, assumes the way of “internal forum” (AL 300), highlights mitigating factors in pastoral discernment (AL 301) and places in the centre the logics of mercy (AL 307). “This offers us a framework and a setting which help us avoid a cold bureaucratic morality in dealing with more sensitive issues” (AL 312).

• The ninth and last Chapter is dedicated to “The Spirituality of Marriage and the Family” (AL 313-325) in which, in a stimulating and easy way, the Pope invites to a spirituality of exclusive and free love, which is a spirituality of care, consolation and incentive. From Faith Christ unifies and illumines the family life, even bitter days. Because of this, “Lets us walk, families, let us continue to walk and let us not lose hope”.

And since we believe that the family is Good News for the World, (the Gospel of the Family), for society and for the Church, we feel committed, and we want to be even more, in whatever place of the world where there is a Salesian presence of our Religious Family.

4. EVERY HOME, A SCHOOL OF LIFE AND LOVE. Our Educative-Pastoral Contribution

4.1. Being close to help Construct and Repair

In front of family realities in which complex and difficult situations are often lived:

• Fragmented families ('patchwork' families)

• Families that are believing and not unstructured but which are being an exception in many contexts.

• Families in which many wounds exist.

• Families in which there is selfishness that creates breakups.

• Families with situations in which, in particular, the souls of the children are wounded, or where sometimes they are “hostages of discord” (Pope Francis)...

We already ask ourselves whether we can do something in favour of these families, starting from our reality of educators and pastors, since:

• It is in these contexts where we are asked empathy in front of the suffering caused by such situations.

• There are existential situations in which we must help to construct relationships, heal wounds, help to leave behind fears… seeing as in the biblical text, «a bruised reed he will not break » (Mt.12, 20; Cf. Is 42,3).

• Situations in which we can help to acknowledge that much good and much generosity also exist in these lives.

• In learning to be a family there are always mistakes which request humility and understanding, forgiveness and mercy. All are entitled to forgiveness and all are entitled to forgive to build the family and to reconstruct themselves. This is the moral element.

• Accepting the condition of one’s limits offers each member of the family the opportunity to enrich oneself of the love that is offered and of enriching the others with one’s own donation. Gratuity is the starting point to build the family. This is the affective element.

• There is a point of constitutive solitude in human condition which prevents total communication, and at the same time offers a leap of quality for the desire of the Other who is the only One who can fill this desire of fullness. This is the spiritual element.

• Eventually, we are being asked to be present to help build and restore.

4.2. In the School of Life that is the family

With a Salesian look we could not talk of the educative and vital value of the family without requesting, first of all, that each of us refer to our own personal experience and, at the same time, that we also refer to the family experience of the founder of our Salesian Family, Don Bosco. He lost his father when he was a little child. His mother, Margherita, was his first decisive and transcendental educator, and we know well that Don Bosco was what he was because he had the mother he had.

This is one of the keys of the proposal. Helping the families to be aware that, first of all, they are a school of Life, and that in this mission, some persons, groups and institutions intend to stay at their side and to help, without ever replacing what is irreplaceable: that warmth of home that each family is and which prepares to life, as an authentic school, and that from Love teaches to live Love. This is so:

• When the family is more than a 'centre of income and consumption' or an “affective point of reference', in which the adults, and especially the parents, accept their responsibilities.

• When there is an intense intra-familiar communication, not reduced to instrumental talks.

• When education is given demanding and asking from the children concrete ethical responsibilities, on which deep convictions can be expressed and communicated, and not only kept and observed in a hidden way out of the fear of not boring one another.

• When education to life is given in family everyday life, experiencing the radical equality of each one in terms of necessities, rights and duties, as well as mutual respect.

• When there is a space of life with the capability of encouraging true relations of dialogue, of full reciprocity in which the good of the other is really looked for, out of respect to the persons and to their processes.

• When the family is an experience of Love, and not a place where the weight of the law is imposed, and where one learns to love from gratuity. In this sense, with a look of faith, each marriage and each family are a history of salvation.

• A family that is a school of life because it contains in itself antagonistic elements, but in harmony, which prepare to life through values such as:

  • Freedom and responsibility

  • Autonomy and solidarity

  • Self care and search for the good of all

  • Healthy competitiveness and capability of forgiveness

  • Availability for communication and also for listening and for respectful silence.

• The family is then a school of life, because it offers values and hope as well. It offers closeness and Love that orientates, corrects, prevents, helps, heals and eventually saves.

4. 3. Decisive Salesian Pastoral Mission: ACCOMPANYING

As Salesian Family, we propose this challenge that is beautiful and more current than ever:

• How to accompany the parents, the marriages, and those who are in front of their own families…?

• How to accompany the children, especially those who live in the houses, activities and services in all the works existing in our Salesian family in the world?

• How to accompany with our youth, family and parish ministry, the youth who are maturing a project of life of matrimony and of forming a family?

This requires some decisions from our ministry:

4.3.1. Betting decidedly on considering attention to the Families as an educative-pastoral priority.

4.3.2. Taking a decisive, definitive and firm step in placing accompaniment as a priority service:

• An accompaniment of the parents and of the marriages that accept it.

• A real accompaniment of the children and the youth of the Salesian presences in the world, especially in front of family and personal situations of difficulty.

• A vocational accompaniment of the youth who have a concrete expression in the youth who mature their project of life in matrimony.

• An accompaniment that is translated into a proposal of spirituality and of faith as the meaning of life, in the most diverse realities of the families.

4.3.3. Seeing the urgency, as Salesian Family, to be part of this wide journey of ecclesial reflection and discernment, with greater attention to the reality of the family, and to the priority of mercy as an essential value of the Gospel, which must be reflected in our educative and pastoral activity.

4.3.4. Delving, for this reason, in a personal and pastoral discernment which will lead us to not look and wait for unique answers in front of so different situations that are far from the Christian ideal. A service that will affect and animate concrete marriage and family histories.

4.3.5. In this way of educating in which the family cannot renounce being a place of support and accompaniment (AL260), we believe that we can offer something which very much belongs to us, very 'Salesian': Helping the families to educate and grow from affection and heart, with everything this implies in our educative (Preventive) system.

4.3.6. We must also take ourselves very seriously to help the parents in the sexual education of their children, which for us is an authentic education to Love.

4.3.7 We will help to discover sacramental marriage as a ‘vocation’, fruit of a discernment (as in every vocation), and also as a path to holiness.

4.3.8. We shall contribute in anything possible to take care of and foster in the families this sense of the joy of Loving.

4.3.9. Let us help the families to be a ‘space of life’ where the parents educate, in freedom, to know and love God.

4.3.10. Even though this could be marginal to the reality of the family, this will be an opportunity to educate and to educate ourselves, families, educators, young people, to the value of Creation, as a responsible answer to Creation and to the Poverty that is generated when harmony is not taken care of.

4.3.11. Some concrete commitments of the Salesian Family towards the families…. For instance, the Mission of the Salesian Family in the light of the Preventive System of Don Bosco: making of the world a home as a large family playground of friends, of apprenticeship of life, of encounter with God.

As a conclusion, with our commitment as Salesian Family in this movement of ecclesial revitalization, we recommend ourselves to the Mother who is always the guarantor in our Pilgrimage.

Rome, 19^th June 2016