150
MAMMA
MARGARET150
by Pascual Chávez Villanueva
THE FAMILY
CRADLE OF LIFE
SWEAT OF THEIR BROW
It is by their WORK that in general parents “give life”, to their children drop by drop, day after day, and serenity to themselves.
The experts don’t seem to know where they stand regarding the pros and cons about growing up in a family where both parents go out to work, but it is clear that guilt feelings can be devasting for both parents and children. The parents who are working draw comfort from the thought that their children appreciate the sacrifices they are making: if not immediately at least they will when they are older. There is no harm enjoying work and the status and the money that it brings. For many working mothers the greatest source of guilt is the feeling that they are depriving the children of their presence by entrusting them to the grandparents perhaps. And if they are feeling guilty they tend to spoil the chldren and find it difficult to be firm with them when necessary. On the other hand, to give the impression that the work is a burden only makes matters worse. Parents who enjoy their work, or who appreciate the benefits it brings to the family should let their children know.
But it is important to constantly let the children know that they are loved more than the work. It may seem obvious, but in fact it isn’t. After all, love is not just something you feel but also something that you give. Too often parents devote the best part of their time and attention to their work, and so they end up giving the scraps to their children, heaping on them rather than on their bosses or their clients the tensions, impatience and apathy resulting from tiredness. In part it is a question of time, especially if they are working all day. Very few people are on good form in the morning when they are racing to beat the clock, or in the evening after spending all day taking orders. However, at home it is necessary to spend quality time with the children. There is no need to try to find things to do. It’s sufficient to pay attention to the family rather than to the newspaper or the tv.
But it would also be a good idea to remember the old saying: «When work is a pleasure life is a joy! When work is a burden life is slavery.». Children need to be taught to be hard-working. It’s not a question of preaching or of stories about grand-dad who worked in the mines twenty two hours a day seven days a week. Parents need to teach their children in practical ways, giving them particular jobs around the house, and letting them help Mum or Dad while they are filling the washing machine, using the hoover, cleaning the bath, changing the oil in the car or working in the garden. It’s a matter of showing them how it’s done and inviting them to try. It is learning “on the job.” By giving the children the skills necessary to do various jobs and also self-confidence, parents remove one of the more serious obstacles to contentment in the family.
Nowadays it is not easy to discuss in a calm manner with the children the issue of “work”. The question of money can easily take first place. In the way we now talk about it, a “good job” has become synonymous with a well-paid one. No harm in that if properly understood. But it’s also right not to make it the main aim in life. But for many people it is. Now hand in hand with a “good job” goes “being successful,” that is being someone unhealthily rich. The myth of success is tied to wealth and youngsters think that it is the most important thing in life, and that the thing to aim for is to have the greatest number of admirers and followers.. no matter what you do or how you do it. What do youngsters with normal parents think, faced with this kind of measure of success? That the parents are no good? That they can’t be much good if no one seems to admire them? An unpleasant situation certainly. Then what if those parents who in the eyes of the child can’t be much good encourage him to work hard in order to “get on” "be a success" ? The child might well ask, why haven’t they done so?
Sometimes this makes it difficult to train children to be “hard-working,” - a virtue that nowadays is not very fashionable, but which has a very important place in Don Bosco’s teaching methods, and which, certainly, parents can quite reasonably “inculcate” in their children. It comes from being creative and wanting to make one’s mark; it leads to being strong, a sense of responsibility, perseverance and a sense of duty; it needs patience, concentration, know how. Children and young people have within them the seeds of skills, talents, abilities, imagination which in order to develop need real motivation (which can’t be simply profit or success) and discipline. For all this good teachers and good parents are needed.
