1 50 - MAMMA MARGARET - 150

by Pascual Chávez Villanueva

THE FAMILY CRADLE OF LIFE

AN EXTRAORDINARY

JOURNEY

From engagement … to marriage: a journey of love.

_“The Church, (is) aware that marriage and the family constitute one of the most precious human values”. (FC 1) The family is a community of love and of life between a man and a woman whose roots are to be found in human sexuality which both physiologically and psychologically makes them different and complementary. In the difference is to be found the natural attraction towards complementarity and mutal self-giving. At the origin of the family is the free and spontaneous gift of those who wish to express their love for each other through this giving of themselves. The family is the fruit of interpersonal love lived in give and take, based on equality between the partners, strengthened by their shared human dignity. Married life, and within it sexual relations, is directed towards the creation of a genuine community of love. Marriage of its nature is a community of love and is a goal to be reached along a uneven path, through periods of darkness and crisis. So that it might cope with the squalls and remain the most beautiful of life’s experiences some points need to be remembered.

* Marriage is a vocation, a call from God and therefore a mission that starts from «Yes, I do!». A couple’s life together is a serious choice not a mere matter of instinct; they are two people who have decided to “become one while remaining two”, coming together physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually in order to create a «we» from two «I». They form a single united front. A decison that cannot but be renewed each day.

* Moving from «I» to «we» requires a radical change. A happy couple is the result of many things: love grows by small steps. It requires patience, a long term view, clarification of responsibilities and roles even in the most banal details: who will manage the finances, who will take the dog out for a walk, who will do the cooking, who will repair things if they break, who will drive on long journeys, who will keep an eye on the children’s school work, who will do the shopping … It’s not very romantic, but love in a family is a slow and constant process of achieving harmony between people in themselves “different”: each one needs to «make room» for the others.

* Family life is always a tremendous opportunity for growth, a «school» in which to get to know each other and to improve. It opens up horizons and perspectives, it multiplies individual resources, helps to overcome problems and difficulties, makes people more wise, «more true ». It is a full-time programme, twenty four hours a day of interpersonal development, where, by living them out, one learns some of the most important lessons about life. The first is sharing. Without this family life is only a collection of individuals. Sharing is essential to nourish the sense of the «we»: it includes the body, the emotions, thoughts, time, space and personal possessions.

The second is patience. Everyone moves, grows and develops at their own pace and rhythm in the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual fields. Forcing the pace only creates problems. The third is gratitude. It means learning to appreciate each member of the family for who they are and for what they do. The fourth is the acceptance of others exactly as they are. It is important to make the same unconditional allowances that we expect for ourselves, learning to live with things that can at times grate. The fifth is forgiveness. It is never easy but it is the only way if you want love to persist, survive, remain.

* Communication is essential. Dialogue is the life blood of family life. It bridges the gap between situations that otherwise would run the risk of developing into isolation. Nothing is so painful as being physically close but emotionally far apart. A frank conversation in a spirit of sincerity, is the necessary means to dicover each others needs and wishes and arrive at satisfactory solutions.

* Compromises are inevitable: in fact there will be no shortage of differences of opinion and difficult times. Then it will be vital to make use of the art of negotiating, thanks to which no one need win and no one lose. Only in this way can unexpected changes and inevitible trials be effectively faced. Sticking together through the ups and down of life strengthens the relationship.

* Love needs to be fostered and nourished like every living thing: and this is the secret of happiness. Each member of the family needs to give time and effort to the relationship. If it is taken for granted that nothing will ever change it is possible that the relationship will wither and die. It is not enough to provide this nourishment on anniversaries and birthdays. It needs to become a regular daily practice, a sign of pleasure in living together, in building up the relationship and enjoying each other.

* A strong spiritual life, finally, is indispensible for the smooth functioning of the family, which basically is something spiritual. The more or less widespread view that a marriage lasts until the love goes, needs to be contradicted by the conviction that marriage has a consistency that goes beyond the transitory ebb and flow of personal feelings. It is up to the partners with the help of God to sustain and strengthen the links between the demands of the institution of marriage and personal sentiments. Fidelity in love is the strongest expression of real freedom. 