1 50 - MAMMA MARGARET - 150

by Pascual Chávez Villanueva

THE FAMILY CRADLE OF LIFE

LOVE

COMES FROM NAZARETH

This year 2006, (and a Happy New Year to you all!) I shall be writing about the family. On the occasion of the 150th anniversary of the death of Mamma Margaret, Don Bosco’s mother and also of the boys in Valdocco, I have invited the Salesian Family to give special attention to the family, “cradle of life and love and where one first learns how to become human.”

To the commemoration of the 150th anniversary of the death of Mamma Margaret one can also add the 25th anniversary of Familiaris Consortio: a two-fold opportunity to focus our attention on the most important institution for an individual, for society and for the Church, the family, nowadays under threat from social and cultural factors which are putting pressure on it and undermining its stability. In some countries it is also put at risk by legislation which attacks its natural structure: the union between a man and a woman based on their indissoluble marriage agreement. Even though I shall be speaking throughout the year about the elements that constitute the family, I think it good to begin with the family of Nazareth which Christmas brings to mind, and which continues to be the model for every family from the time that the Son of God wished to become incarnate and fully share in human history, entering into a family where he matured as man and as God. The Holy Family therefore is our model.

◙ I want to speak about that significant episode when at twelve years of age Jesus was in the Temple, since it contains some interesting strategies for families made in Nazareth. The passage provides a link between the infancy narratives in the Gospels and the public life of Jesus, just as adolescence comes between childhood and adulthood. And the first characteristic of the adolescent is to be no longer a child but not yet an adult. It is not a comfortable situation neither for the son nor for the parents. The most important preposition is «with»: Jesus faces the most important moments of his religious and personal life «with» his parents, and it is like a conflict between the first and the fourth commandments. Jesus has to do the will of the Father. It is a time when he is searching for his own life plan, a period to be faced and “resolved”, and someone who does not do so will remain an adolescent, that is up and down, unstable for the whole of life. It is also a time of joyful discovery and of a conscious acceptance of realty. If anything the crisis belongs to the parents who struggle to “let go” of the son and suffer because too often they don’t know how to help him. But the question of one’s own “vocation” is the first that the human being has to face up to alone.

◙ There’s a very special lesson in Luke’s Gospel; the conversation between Jesus and his parents is made up of questions: “My child, why have you done this to us? See how worried your father and I have been, looking for you.”… “Why?… Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?”. The secret of education and of the way Jesus teaches consists in using many question marks and hardly ever exclamation marks. Unfortunately parents, teachers and pastors of souls often do the opposite. Even Mary struggles to understand. Separation is always a struggle. Adolescent sons and daughters need to be looked at with affectionate understanding and listened to seriously. These days a great deal of attention is paid to the “strategy of openness”: listening, watching, trying to understand, picking up unspoken messages, reading between the lines. You speak “with” children, not “at” children. Joseph and Mary don’t give up on Jesus: you shouldn’t drop out of the childrens’ lives even when they go away. You need to be present and protect them. If the occasion arises it’s good to give them a hug: they will make a fuss but they’ll like it. They have few needs but these are important: companionship since they feel lonely; things to do because they get bored; security since they are afraid in a world they still have to conquer; conversation because there are so many things they don’t know. Education too ought to be «with» the children, trying to get them involved: «Jesus went down with them then and came to Nazareth and lived under their authority.»

◙ It is necessary to respect them and be respected. A calm, serious and respectful approach is needed. The adolescent will be able to acquire self-respect if he feels appreciated. He needs to have some degree of self-sufficiency and autonomy. Repect cannot be faked and it is shown in an increase in trust and in his being given greater responsibility. Give the pre-adolescent tasks even important ones, give him the responsibility of managing the money that he might require for his needs; acknowledge his right to choose his own friends, pastimes, sports groups, and social activities, these are all excellent. Encourage them. Adolescents are poor; their only possessions are their dreams which some people enjoy trampling on. Let them see your pleasure and your joy when they do something worthwhile: at this age, praise reinforces ties of affection. Pray with them. Many adolescents give up the faith as something left over from childhood: it is up to the parents to show that it is not a dummy but an adult strength. Forgive them. It is good always to leave the door open. Failure is their daily bread. They need to learn from their parents, and these should never forget that they too were once adolescents.◙