austraLasia 1439
"Sometimes trotting, sometimes galloping" (MO Ch 26) - for
when the community car is a thing of the past
ROME: 10th February 2006 -- It seems pretty much
official now that the future of the community vehicle, meaning anything
from ye olde Roman Vespa to the absolutely essential 4 wheel drive,
will soon be a thing of the past. This is nothing to do with the
Constitutions or any proposed theme for GC26. It just seems that
'we are addicted to oil', as one man said recently, and with things not
going all that well in the Middle East, Nigeria, USA or anywhere else
where there's cyclones, cartoons, or just not enough oil left, the time
will soon come, sadly, when you can't run a car any more. And
gas? Well, things are not going too well in Russia on that score at the
moment, so we can forget that as well.
But cheer up. There's always the horse.
The horse does have certain advantages for communities. You will
never have the problem of arriving in the garage to discover the tank
is empty yet again, and fodder is much cheaper than those other
fuels. No costly garages needed either - a little pocket
handkerchief's worth of free land, preferably with a fence around it,
is enough. If you think it is not much fun taking a car key only
to discover that the vehicle had a spare, and has gone for the week,
imagine the fun you can have cornering and saddling up the horse.
The horse, of course, will be having much more fun than you.
Community expenses, then, will be well down.
Speeding and parking fines will be a thing of the past, and the Rector
or bursar will be able to heave a sigh of relief since theirs are the
names from which points are usually deducted when nobody else has owned
up.
Speedsters in the community should be warned; a
horse has only two speeds, as Don Bosco admits: trot and gallop.
There is the story of the priest (I've altered names to protect the
individual and the horse concerned!) who bought a horse which had been
trained to respond to two prayerful commands - it would stop at 'Amen'
and go again with a simple 'Thanks be to God'. Taking the horse
for a test drive, he tried out 'Amen' and the horse stopped just like
the man said. When he said 'Thanks be to God' though, it took off
at a gallop, or, as Don Bosco puts it "he bolted down the road and
across the fields and meadows". Father held on as tight as he could and
when he saw a cliff looming he frantically screamed, "Dear God, PLEASE
let the horse stop, PLEASE!! AMEN!". The horse screeched to
a halt right at the edge of the cliff.....and with great relief, Father
yelled 'Praise the Lord!' At this point in the story, all
resemblance to persons living or dead, ceases.
Speaking of buying a horse, I offer at least the
following advice to the community. People have been known to
donate horses to a community, since they soon discover that the basic
rule of thumb with these animals is that one horse in a family is not
enough, but two is too many. However, if someone should donate a
large wooden horse to the community, then it's a case of caveat emptor, I think. There are
a few other caveats as well. You would be advised to check the
beast immediately after purchase. If a wheel comes loose on a new
car you are at least able to head straight to the mechanic and get it
fixed. A vet or farrier might not be so impressed if you bring
back a three-legged horse. As for taking off a Sunday afternoon
to do some mild tinkering under the vehicle, tightening a nut here and
squirting some oil there.....not at all advisable with a horse I'm
afraid. A little care, too, with cleaning; horses don't take too
kindly to 'Kitten' or whatever other cut and polish you normally use.
And finally, back to the vexed fuel question.
Recall the old (very old) Esso ad 'Put a tiger in your tank'? Not
politically correct nowadays. Now, if you simply must keep a car
for the community, and none of the above arguments in favour of horse
power has convinced you, let me make one last try. Keep your car
and buy a horse as well. A British inventor called Harold Bates
said he has been running his car, a five ton truck and heating his home
on a few buckets on methane from heated-up horse manure. He got
his 1953 Hillman up to 75 kph!
Back to the serious stuff tomorrow as the Rector
Major arrives in Hong Kong. What started all this? I was
reading Memoirs of the Oratory! Don Bosco has an
excellent horse story there. told against himself and with a little
lesson to learn. Chapter 26. The story takes up the entire
chapter. Enjoy!
JBF
VOCABULARY
caveat emptor: Latin for 'buyer beware'.
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