150 - MAMMA MARGARET - 150

by Pascual Chávez Villanueva

THE FAMILY THE CRADLE OF LIFE

IT ISN’T

TABU’

Death is part of life, but nowadays … Tabù for little ones but also for grown ups. Death doesn’t take people away for ever. Memory and faith. Don Bosco and death.

Once, death was part of life. Grown ups and children were not surprised when they came across it. With more people town dwellers and with medical developments people have become unfamiliar with the simple and natural fact of death, and lack the words and the gestures to deal with this modern way of death, often solitary, without any ritual, which is seem merely as a sign of medicine’s failings. In this way the whole approach to death, our relationship wth this ultimate limitation, has radically changed. Death forces the family to face a variety of choices.

 It’s possible to choose to “deny” death. Pascal three centuries ago wrote: «Not having succeeded in conquering death men have decided not to think about it any more. » So, in front of the children, death becomes a tabù subject, as sex was for a long time. In this way death is denied its proper place in life; it isn’t recognised as a law written in the nature of life itself; it loses its real meaning and it becomes an accident. Obviously this is an attempt doomed to failure from the start: the cinema, tv drama, news programmes and electronic games are packed with death on a huge scale, and all within children’s reach. The development of the idea of death occurs in stages and children gradually cope with the various elements until at about eight years of age they come to understand that it is irreversible and universal. Then the questions start: What happens afterwards? Does everything disappear? Is death a full stop to life or only a comma? Will we die too? Also mum and dad? And we won’t see them any more? Will I have to die? Death is always shrouded in suffering and the family is the place where mourning can be understood and experienced. Human beings are familiar with a special sort of feeling called consolation which almost always manages to relieve the spiritual pain. Children too know about it: crying in the arms of mum or dad makes them feel better. Weeping together, sharing the pain can help us to bear even the most heart-rending loss. Love doesn’t die, and in some way, support and closeness fill the emptiness left by someone who has died.

 It is also possible to try “memories”: death doesn’t take away for ever the people we love if we can remember them. A memory almost seems to be one way of keeping alive a person who has died. That’s why we go to put flowers on the grave in the cemetery and we speak about them. To remember important people streets or squares are named after them, monuments are built or foundations set up. Through a memorial someone no longer alive continues to be present. In the hearts of those who were loved, the memory of the one who has died can be very strong and very sweet so as to bring relief and ease the pain.

 It’s possible to choose to look at things “rationally”. This world is not our home, it’s only a kind of hotel: we are here for a while and then we pass on. Each day something is born and something dies; people come and people go. Only the Creator can give a satisfactory answer to such a fundamental question. And He has done, since He gave an answer to the question of death that no one would ever have imagined. He has passed through death Himself and has put an end to it, opening the way to eternal life to everyone. In this way no one can ever say: «God doesn’t know what it means …». From the Christian understanding of death one can draw the strength to live. Some one who believes in Jesus believes in this promise: When God loves someone He makes them live for ever. «God doesn’t destroy the life He has created, He transforms it! ». Life is not a matter of blind and cruel fate but of responsibility, since we all have an appointment we mustn’t miss. It’s precisely when talking about death that faith makes a difference. Christians don’t say: «life is beautiful but then unfortunately we die », but «life is beautiful and then finally we die». One of the essential tasks it to teach young people that they have the possibility each day of choosing between life and death. From this point of view the teaching role of the family assumes an altogether special character. We have only one life. It begins on this earth and continues in the “house” of God. The family of believers lives in an atmosphere of joy, of profound hope and knows the strong pull of an exhilerating goal.

 What was the word most used by Don Bosco? Fr Alberto Caviglia wrote: «Leafing through the pages of what Don Bosco said and spoke about we find that heaven was the word he repeated in all sorts of circumstances as the most effective when dealing with doing good or with putting up with hardships». All’s well that ends well, and life is a feast. «We are festive people », a Salesian song proclaims. «A little bit of heaven will make everything right!», Don Bosco used to say in the midst of difficulties.